Democratic Aliens

Most of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an unidentified flying object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that precipitated the investigation by the U.S. Government and was called “Project Blue Book”. Many believe the true facts have long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.

You may NOT know, however, that in the month of March 1948 the following people were ALL born:

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William Jefferson Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

This is exactly nine months after the UFO landings in Roswell.

Coincidence? I think not.

Congrats Florida!

Been a while since my last post.. sorry about that. A recap of the Chicago trip is coming in the near future..

Congrats to the University of Florida for beating the crap out of Ohio State University. I’m sick of hearing about OSU.

Yes, I know that is a Photoshop job, but it’s still pretty damn funny.

Can I say this?

You have to love email forwards.

I received this twice from two different people in a span of three days. It’s too damn funny not to post.

25 Things You Wish You Could Say at Work

1. I see your point, but you’re still full of shit.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. I see you’ve set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
4. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
5. And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
6. Whatever kind of look you were going for…no, just…no.
7. Do I look like a friggin’ people person to you?
8. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
9. I’m visualizing you with duct tape over your mouth.
10. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
13. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
14. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
15. How about “never”? Is “never” good for you?
16. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
17. Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.
18. If I throw a stick out in the hall, will you leave?
19. Wait a minute – I’m just trying to imagine you with a personality.
20. How do I set this laser printer to stun?
21. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
22. It kinda sounds like English, but I don’t understand a friggin’ thing you’re saying.
23. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
24. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
25. You’re validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

Spinach Death

My dad sent this to me.. funny stuff.

The latest victim of the spinach/E.coli outbreak:

IT Humor

There was a fire at a recent COMDEX.

When it reached the main exhibition hall:

• The Windows 95 users asked the door guard to close all windows and restart the exhibition.
• The Windows 98 users loaded their installation CDROMs to look for a Windows Extinguisher Wizard(tm).
• The Windows NT users said the fire would probably fixed in the next service pack.
• The MacOS users clicked on everything in sight to see if that would affect the fire somehow.
• The OS/2 users reminisced about the much better fire that burned down the OS/2 User’s Conference in 1994.
• The mainframe users stopped and waited for the field engineer to arrive.
• The BeOS users commented on how their local fires were much faster and more efficient.
• The UNIX users tried connecting all the stands together with pipes to build a fire engine.
• The SCO users sniffed that the exhibition hall obviously wasn’t POSIX compliant.
• The Linux users searched the Internet looking for the hall’s source code so they could find out why it caught fire.
• The Amiga users decided there was no fire and went on doing whatever they were doing.

When the fire reached the developer’s hall:

• The C programmers started looking for a NULL pointer.
• The Pascal programmers sneered that this would never happen at a Pascal developer’s conference.
• The C++ programmers argued about which design pattern a Fire Engine template should follow, and whether the hall’s construction was full ANSI or not.
• The Assembly Language programmers started to write a very detailed treatise about firefighting techniques.
• The ADA programmers alleged that the fire was not in their original specifications.
• The FORTRAN programmers began muttering about “COMMON something”.
• The COBOL programmers started prowling the hall and looking for Y2K bugs.
• The Visual Basic programmers asked the C programmers for help.

When the fire reached the press room :

• The Computer Shopper reporter wrote “Microsoft Fire(tm) takes COMDEX by storm”
• The PC Magazine reporter wrote “Blazing 3-D effects herald a new era in computing”
• John Dvorak wrote “Duh. Deadly dull conference, second-rate fire. Who do they think they’re kidding?”
• The Business Week reporter wrote “Beleaguered Apple Computer, Inc. refuses to comment on COMDEX fire”
• The Wall Street Journal reporter wrote “High-tech stocks may burn in the near term”
• The MacAddict reporter wrote “Bill Gates should have been here when the Main Hall collapsed”
• The MacWeek reporter wrote “Steve Jobs takes the stage at COMDEX with pyrotechnics”

By the way, nobody actually put the fire out they just built a larger casino on the site afterwards.

—–

This is an actual alert to IBM field engineers that went out to all IBM branch offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us, find it very funny.

Abstract: Mouse Balls available as FRU (field replacement unit) Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the “pop-off” method. Domestic balls are replaced using the “twist-off” method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive, however, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items. To re-order, please specify one of the following: P/N 33f8462 – domestic Mouse Balls P/N 33f8461 – foreign Mouse Balls

—–

Yes, I know I’m a geek. So what.

Honda Car Ad

I don’t know how true this is, but it’s still pretty damn cool to watch.And you thought those people that set up roomfuls of dominos to knock over were amazing…

There are no computer graphics or digital tricks in the film. Everything you see really happened in real time exactly as you see it.

The film took 606 takes. On the first 605 takes, something, usually very minor, didn’t work. They would then have to set the whole thing up again. The crew spent weeks shooting night and day. By the time it was over, they were ready to change professions.

The film cost six million dollars and took three months to complete including full engineering of the sequence. In addition, it’s two minutes long so every time Honda airs the film on British television, they’re shelling out enough dough to keep any one of us in clover for a lifetime.

However, it is fast becoming the most downloaded advertisement in Internet history.

Honda executives figure the ad will soon pay for itself simply in “free viewings” (Honda isn’t paying a dime to have you watch this commercial!).

When the ad was pitched to senior executives, they signed off on it immediately without any hesitation – including the costs.

There are six and only six hand-made Honda Accords in the world. To the horror of Honda engineers, the filmmakers disassembled two of them to make the film. Everything you see in the film (aside from the walls, floor, ramp, and complete Honda Accord) is parts from those two cars. The voiceover is Garrison Keillor. When the ad was shown to Honda executives, they liked it and commented on how amazing computer graphics have gotten. They fell off their chairs when they found out it was for real. Oh and about those funky windshield wipers. On the new Accords, the windshield wipers have water sensors and are designed to start doing their thing automatically as soon as they become wet. It looks a bit weird in the commercial.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/honda.php

Restart! Reboot!

So my boss got back from a business trip yesterday and proceeded to tell me the most hilarious story I’ve heard in a long time.

He was on the tarmac waiting to liftoff and the cabin depressurization system was malfunctioning. People onboard we clinching their ears due to the pressure changes.

The captain said that the crew was just going to run the system on manual and if adjustments needed to be made, simply tell a flight attendant. Fine and good.

Some time later before takeoff (don’t remember how long my boss said), the captain came back on the intercom saying that they weren’t going to be allowed to take off with the system on manual and that an IT technician was on his way.

The IT guy told the pilot to shut the entire plane down, let it sit a few minutes, and turn it back on..

Yep.. you guessed it: the pressurization system now worked!

Ha.. rebooting planes fixes problems too.

Don’t you want to help?

Here’s a copy of an email submission I just received:

Dearest One,

My name is Miss Victoria Adja, I am 23 years old girl. I lost my parents and my only brother of 14 years to the war in my country congo. I am lucky that I was taken to this place by one midwife who have families here in Ivory coast. I am staying in a missionary refugee camp in Abidjan,but this place was not comfortable for me.

I would like to appeal to you confidentialy to assist me concerning my late father’s bank deposit here in Abidjan of $6.5,000,000 (six million five hundred dollars) I want to move out of from here because the crisis that started here over one year now is still on because of political crisis and there is no sign that it will be well with the country for now. Also the condition in this camp is not condusive for me i had naver be into this condition before when my late was alive, Can I trust you to provide your account and a place for me to stay with you in your country? Can I also trust you to care for me and to help me invest this money in your country? will you promise me that the moment this money enterd into your account that you will not betrayed me?

If you are willing to help me out please indicate in your next mail to me and let me know so that I will give you the bank informations to enable you openup your comumications with the banks officials, when i see your seriousness to assit me in this my critical condition then i will give you the whole document issue my late father by the bank director, rightnow is still with me and that is my last hope for now. wating to hear from you as soon as possible.

my email contact ; victoadja@yahoo.fr

Miss Victoria Adja.

Now.. who wants to help?