Today’s Big Laugh

Okay, click on this Google Maps link and scroll down to step #23.

New York >> London

Congrats But Whoops

I guess the “t-shirt printing people” didn’t go to college or hire a proof reader.

Why Education Is Vital

These are real notes written by parents in an Alabama school district. Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered byvery close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

Costello Calls To Buy A Computer From Abbott

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “W”.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue “w” if you don’t start with some straight answers! What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

—- A few days later —-

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on “START”..

Democratic Aliens

Most of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an unidentified flying object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that precipitated the investigation by the U.S. Government and was called “Project Blue Book”. Many believe the true facts have long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.

You may NOT know, however, that in the month of March 1948 the following people were ALL born:

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William Jefferson Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

This is exactly nine months after the UFO landings in Roswell.

Coincidence? I think not.

Congrats Florida!

Been a while since my last post.. sorry about that. A recap of the Chicago trip is coming in the near future..

Congrats to the University of Florida for beating the crap out of Ohio State University. I’m sick of hearing about OSU.

Yes, I know that is a Photoshop job, but it’s still pretty damn funny.

Can I say this?

You have to love email forwards.

I received this twice from two different people in a span of three days. It’s too damn funny not to post.

25 Things You Wish You Could Say at Work

1. I see your point, but you’re still full of shit.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. I see you’ve set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
4. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
5. And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
6. Whatever kind of look you were going for…no, just…no.
7. Do I look like a friggin’ people person to you?
8. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
9. I’m visualizing you with duct tape over your mouth.
10. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
13. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
14. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
15. How about “never”? Is “never” good for you?
16. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
17. Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.
18. If I throw a stick out in the hall, will you leave?
19. Wait a minute – I’m just trying to imagine you with a personality.
20. How do I set this laser printer to stun?
21. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
22. It kinda sounds like English, but I don’t understand a friggin’ thing you’re saying.
23. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
24. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
25. You’re validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

Spinach Death

My dad sent this to me.. funny stuff.

The latest victim of the spinach/E.coli outbreak: