I’m Such a Valued Customer to Vonage!

I’m so glad that Vonage thinks so highly of me to call me by [name]!

Where’s the Ban Function?

My Living Will

Got this from a coworker.. thanks Deb!

Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them:

“I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

They are SO on my shit list ..

Geek Humor

This commercial makes me laugh every time I see it.

Me Myself & I

My Mom gave me a copy of this the other day and I thought I’d share. My Dad came up with the text.. I definitely got my Dad’s sense of humor!

Edumacayshun?

Looks like the marquee operator-changer-person needs to go back to kindergarten to learn how to spell ‘kindergarten’..

Photo taken at Smith Elementary in Lubbock, TX

Chicago Humor

Even though I moved out of Chicago when I was five, it’s amazing how many of these I can relate to..

1. Grachki (grach’-key): Chicagoese for “garage key” as in, “Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I don’t git intada grach?”
2. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it’s a sassage sammich; when made with shredded beef, it’s an Italian Beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.
3. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in “Da Bears” or “Da Mare” — the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he’s often called.
4. Jewels: Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular name for one of the region’s dominant grocery store chains. “I’m goin’ to the Jewels to pick up some sassage.”
5. Field’s: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called “Carson’s.”
6. Tree: The number between two and four. “We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night.”
7. Over by dere: Translates to “over by there,” a way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, “I got the sassage at the Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere.”
8. Kaminski Park : The mispronounced name of the ballpark where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was renamed U.S. Cellular Field (da Cell).
9. Frunchroom: As in, “Get outta da frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes.” It’s not the “parlor.” It’s not the “living room.” In the land of the bungalow, it’s the “frunchroom,” a named derived, linguists believe, from “front room.”
10. Use: Not the verb, but the plural pronoun ‘you!’ “Where use goin’?”
11. Downtown: Anywhere near The Lake, south of The Zoo (Lincoln Park Zoo) and north of Soldier Field.
12. The Lake: Lake Michigan (What other lake is there?) It’s often used by local weathermen, “cooler by The Lake.”
13. Braht: Short for Bratwurst. “Gimme a braht wit kraut.”
14. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb “say.” For example, “Den he goes, ‘I like this place’!”
15. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual’s gender.
16. Pop: A soft drink. Don’t say “soda” in this town. “Do ya wanna canna pop?”
17. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle , a popular Midwestern burger chain. “Dose sliders I had last night gave me da runs.”
18. The Taste: The Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the Fourth of July holiday.
19. “Jeetyet?”: Translates to, “Did you eat yet?”
20. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, “What are the two seasons in Chicago ?”
21. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for “a couple, two, three” which really means “a few.” For example, “Hey Mike, dere any beerz left in da cooler over by dere?” “Yeh, a cuppa too-tree.”
22. 588-2300: Everyone in Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you’ll get if you call that number — Empire!
23. Junk Dror: You will usually find the ‘junk drawer’ in the kitchen filled to the brim with miscellaneous, but very important, junk.
24. Southern Illinois : Anything south of I-80. This is where Smothers’ is from….
25. Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area are usually known just by their ‘name’ and not their Interstate number: the Dan Ryan (“da Ryan”), the Stevenson, the Kennedy (da “Kennedy”), the Eisenhower (da “Ike”), and the Edens (just “Edens” but Da Edens” is acceptable).
26. Gym Shoes: The rest of the country may refer to them as sneakers or running shoes but Chicagoans will always call them gym shoes!

American Idol Simpsons Style

This clip from Idol Gives Back always makes me laugh.