Me Myself & I

My Mom gave me a copy of this the other day and I thought I’d share. My Dad came up with the text.. I definitely got my Dad’s sense of humor!

Edumacayshun?

Looks like the marquee operator-changer-person needs to go back to kindergarten to learn how to spell ‘kindergarten’..

Photo taken at Smith Elementary in Lubbock, TX

Chicago Humor

Even though I moved out of Chicago when I was five, it’s amazing how many of these I can relate to..

1. Grachki (grach’-key): Chicagoese for “garage key” as in, “Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I don’t git intada grach?”
2. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it’s a sassage sammich; when made with shredded beef, it’s an Italian Beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.
3. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in “Da Bears” or “Da Mare” — the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he’s often called.
4. Jewels: Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular name for one of the region’s dominant grocery store chains. “I’m goin’ to the Jewels to pick up some sassage.”
5. Field’s: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called “Carson’s.”
6. Tree: The number between two and four. “We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night.”
7. Over by dere: Translates to “over by there,” a way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, “I got the sassage at the Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere.”
8. Kaminski Park : The mispronounced name of the ballpark where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was renamed U.S. Cellular Field (da Cell).
9. Frunchroom: As in, “Get outta da frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes.” It’s not the “parlor.” It’s not the “living room.” In the land of the bungalow, it’s the “frunchroom,” a named derived, linguists believe, from “front room.”
10. Use: Not the verb, but the plural pronoun ‘you!’ “Where use goin’?”
11. Downtown: Anywhere near The Lake, south of The Zoo (Lincoln Park Zoo) and north of Soldier Field.
12. The Lake: Lake Michigan (What other lake is there?) It’s often used by local weathermen, “cooler by The Lake.”
13. Braht: Short for Bratwurst. “Gimme a braht wit kraut.”
14. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb “say.” For example, “Den he goes, ‘I like this place’!”
15. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual’s gender.
16. Pop: A soft drink. Don’t say “soda” in this town. “Do ya wanna canna pop?”
17. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle , a popular Midwestern burger chain. “Dose sliders I had last night gave me da runs.”
18. The Taste: The Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the Fourth of July holiday.
19. “Jeetyet?”: Translates to, “Did you eat yet?”
20. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, “What are the two seasons in Chicago ?”
21. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for “a couple, two, three” which really means “a few.” For example, “Hey Mike, dere any beerz left in da cooler over by dere?” “Yeh, a cuppa too-tree.”
22. 588-2300: Everyone in Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you’ll get if you call that number — Empire!
23. Junk Dror: You will usually find the ‘junk drawer’ in the kitchen filled to the brim with miscellaneous, but very important, junk.
24. Southern Illinois : Anything south of I-80. This is where Smothers’ is from….
25. Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area are usually known just by their ‘name’ and not their Interstate number: the Dan Ryan (“da Ryan”), the Stevenson, the Kennedy (da “Kennedy”), the Eisenhower (da “Ike”), and the Edens (just “Edens” but Da Edens” is acceptable).
26. Gym Shoes: The rest of the country may refer to them as sneakers or running shoes but Chicagoans will always call them gym shoes!

American Idol Simpsons Style

This clip from Idol Gives Back always makes me laugh.

Today’s Big Laugh

Okay, click on this Google Maps link and scroll down to step #23.

New York >> London

Congrats But Whoops

I guess the “t-shirt printing people” didn’t go to college or hire a proof reader.

Why Education Is Vital

These are real notes written by parents in an Alabama school district. Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered byvery close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

Costello Calls To Buy A Computer From Abbott

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “W”.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue “w” if you don’t start with some straight answers! What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

—- A few days later —-

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on “START”..