There was a fire at a recent COMDEX.
When it reached the main exhibition hall:
- The Windows 95 users asked the door guard to close all windows and restart the exhibition.
- The Windows 98 users loaded their installation CDROMs to look for a Windows Extinguisher Wizard(tm).
- The Windows NT users said the fire would probably fixed in the next service pack.
- The MacOS users clicked on everything in sight to see if that would affect the fire somehow.
- The OS/2 users reminisced about the much better fire that burned down the OS/2 User’s Conference in 1994.
- The mainframe users stopped and waited for the field engineer to arrive.
- The BeOS users commented on how their local fires were much faster and more efficient.
- The UNIX users tried connecting all the stands together with pipes to build a fire engine.
- The SCO users sniffed that the exhibition hall obviously wasn’t POSIX compliant.
- The Linux users searched the Internet looking for the hall’s source code so they could find out why it caught fire.
- The Amiga users decided there was no fire and went on doing whatever they were doing.
When the fire reached the developer’s hall:
- The C programmers started looking for a NULL pointer.
- The Pascal programmers sneered that this would never happen at a Pascal developer’s conference.
- The C++ programmers argued about which design pattern a Fire Engine template should follow, and whether the hall’s construction was full ANSI or not.
- The Assembly Language programmers started to write a very detailed treatise about firefighting techniques.
- The ADA programmers alleged that the fire was not in their original specifications.
- The FORTRAN programmers began muttering about “COMMON something”.
- The COBOL programmers started prowling the hall and looking for Y2K bugs.
- The Visual Basic programmers asked the C programmers for help.
When the fire reached the press room :
- The Computer Shopper reporter wrote “Microsoft Fire(tm) takes COMDEX by storm”
- The PC Magazine reporter wrote “Blazing 3-D effects herald a new era in computing”
- John Dvorak wrote “Duh. Deadly dull conference, second-rate fire. Who do they think they’re kidding?”
- The Business Week reporter wrote “Beleaguered Apple Computer, Inc. refuses to comment on COMDEX fire”
- The Wall Street Journal reporter wrote “High-tech stocks may burn in the near term”
- The MacAddict reporter wrote “Bill Gates should have been here when the Main Hall collapsed”
- The MacWeek reporter wrote “Steve Jobs takes the stage at COMDEX with pyrotechnics”
By the way, nobody actually put the fire out they just built a larger casino on the site afterwards.
This is an actual alert to IBM field engineers that went out to all IBM branch offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us, find it very funny.
Abstract: Mouse Balls available as FRU (field replacement unit) Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the “pop-off” method. Domestic balls are replaced using the “twist-off” method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive, however, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items. To re-order, please specify one of the following: P/N 33f8462 – domestic Mouse Balls P/N 33f8461 – foreign Mouse Balls
Yes, I know I’m a geek. So what.