More IT Help Desk Humor

This has got to be one of the funniest I’ve heard of in a long-time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Help line, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired. However, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for “Termination without Cause.” This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations)

“Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?”

“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

What sort of trouble?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared.”

“Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

It’s a blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”

“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”

“How do I tell?”

“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”

“What’s a sea-prompt?”

“Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”

“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”

“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”

“What’s a monitor?”

“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
“Yes, it is.”

“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”

“No.”
“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
“Okay, here it is.”

“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
“I can’t reach.”

“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”

“No.”
“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”

“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle it’s because it’s dark.”

“Dark?”

“Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”

“Well, turn on the office light then.”

“I can’t.”

“No? Why not?”

“Because there’s a power failure.”

“A power… a power failure? … Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”

“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”

“Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”

“Really? Is it that bad?”

“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”

“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”

“Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.”

Conservative Lubbock?

Seems Lubbock was named the second most conservative city in the nation. Lubbock..conservative?? No way..

http://www.kcbd.com/Global/story.asp?s=3725052

Vonage Report

I’ve had Vonage at home for almost a month now, and I’m pleased to report my extreme satisfaction! The service has been very reliable. The features offered are incredible for the price. We’re paying $14.99 per month.. more than half of our old land line.

I might post a more detailed evaluation later, but I wanted to at least post this.

Internet Explorer 7 Beta: First Impressions

Yep, definitely a Microsoft product.

1. Tabbed Browsing: While it’s about damn time, you can’t turn it off or move where the tab bar is located. Half-assed implementation.
2. Address Bar: It can’t be moved either; it’s stuck at the very top. Ridiculous.
3. Because of #1 and #2 above, the menu bar, which should logically be the top-most part, can’t be; it’s relagated to be at the best third down from the top.
4. CSS: Still renders pages horribly. Doesn’t even come close to web standards.
5. Links Bar: Widths are all fubared. And again, you can’t fix it.
6. At least the integrated Search bar works.

All in all, MS gets an D- from me on this one. Being that this is a beta, and that there actually is Tabbed Browsing support, I won’t give it an F. But MS had better pull its head out before releasing the public beta..

How to Please Your IT Department

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children’s art. We don’t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don’t write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he’s coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won’t be there when we need your password. It’s nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what’s keeping you from getting it. We don’t need to know that you can’t get into your mail because your computer won’t power on at all.

5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We’re just testing.

6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier doesn’t work, call computer support. There’s electronics in it.

9. When you’re getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We’re collectors.

11. When something’s wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person’s chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don’t have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

13. When an I.T. person tells you that he’ll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: “And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?” That motivates us.

14. When the printer won’t print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

15. When the printer still won’t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

tomandmonica.com Redesigned

I have redesigned tomandmonica.com finally. Check it out!